The Wedding of Jim and Brenda

On August 21, 1999 we were married at Saddlerock Ranch in the mountains above Malibu, California. The ceremony was performed by Dr. Christian Hart, a close friend of ours. The following is the text and pictures of the ceremony. The photos were taken by Joe Buissink.

Procession

Hi everyone, and welcome! We're gathered here for the wedding of Brenda Bursch and Jim Berg. This is no minor thing. In a society with few remaining rituals, a wedding still commands honor. In various formats, the ceremony for joining two lives in love endures, as it has across centuries and across cultures.

For Jim and Brenda, this wedding reflects who they are. Both are individualists who-like their parents, I'm told-are not beholden to tradition just for the sake of it. So as you might suppose, this ceremony will be unique in several ways: for example, I am not a priest, they have already exchanged their rings, and Jim is taking Brenda's last name. How's that for strength of character? And, though this ceremony doesn't borrow from any single religion, both Brenda and Jim are deeply spiritual people. They'd almost have to be, after all the synchronicities involved in their coming together. If you experience too many strange coincidences or events, and these events all seem designed to lead you in a certain direction, you'd begin to suspect that maybe something greater than you has a plan...and your name's on it.

That's the case with Brenda and Jim: powerful, unconscious guidance directed them and the people (and cats!) around them. The many coincidences of their courtship imply a deeper purpose in their lives, and ours. Their response is a joyful surrender to divine will. With this background, you begin to understand how Brenda and Jim view today: this wedding is a public acknowledgement of what God has already ordained.

Now, as you might suspect, all of you play an important role. Have you considered why you're here? Yes, Brenda and Jim love you! But it's bigger than that. You were invited to bear high witness. This is important. But you're also here to participate. For as surely as you played a role in their lives before they met, you also played a role in their coming together-even if you don't know how. You continue to play a role today-and you will tomorrow. By endorsing a marriage, you invite responsibility. The welfare of this marriage calls on you for care...for a commitment.

You are called, to remind them of their bond.

You are called, to guide them when they struggle.

And you are called, to help them stay true
to their highest goals and deepest commitments.

I ask you now to answer this call. What's it going to be?
Do you commit yourself with love, to support this marriage?
[Wait for answer.]

Divine Light, that illuminates our hearts and gives life to every seen and unseen creature, we give thanks for the love that has drawn us to this place, and especially for the beautiful union that Jim and Brenda have chosen to consecrate in marriage.

We call upon you now, to sanctify this marriage, the creation of which you decreed. Quicken our hearts so we may feel your hand, moisten our eyes so we may see your plan, and pacify our reason so we may comprehend your light. From you, we affirm our sacred kinship to all that is.

Let's consider the road ahead. The covenant of marriage brings into our lives the need and responsibility to explore the deepest levels of love, to ask what it means to be in relationship-both with another and with oneself.

On marriage, I can't do any better than quote Thomas Moore, the philosopher. "Marriage is not only the expression of love between two people, it is also a profound evocation of one of life's greatest mysteries, the weaving together of many different strands of soul. Because marriage touches upon issues charged with emotion and connected to absolute meaning, it is filled with paradoxical feelings, far-flung fantasies, profound despair, blissful epiphanies, and bitter struggle-all signs of the active presence of soul."

Certain traditions regard marriage as a spiritual endeavor, a way to attain enlightenment. In this perspective, marriage adds a third partner to the relationship, a mysterious and wonderful teacher. If marriage can be a teacher, how does one learn? What does this approach offer for dealing with problems? Moore suggests we honor the fateful spirit that brought us together at the beginning. He writes: "From the viewpoint of soul, nothing happens by accident. The fatefulness that surrounds the beginning of a profound relationship suggests an intentionality far beyond the ken of the people involved. In acknowledging this turn of fate, we may find some peace and grounding, and also some humility as the relationship continues to offer unexpected challenges. Throughout the relationship we could remember its fateful beginnings, and notice further signals that the marriage has an impetus beyond the couple's intentions. It may take unexpected turns, or reveal surprising elements that may be both satisfying and threatening.

"The fatefulness of a relationship may appear not only as extraordinary circumstances or synchronicities, but also ... in the most ordinary events where it isn't appropriate to take full credit for what has happened. If a person's career goes off in a certain direction, that development may be due in part to ... conscious choices, but also in part to a gradual unfolding of soul; unknown forces and the deeper motivations are involved. Couples sometimes spend a great deal of energy and time arguing over choices that have been made, whereas they might be better off examining together, with a degree of humility and receptivity, the mysterious elements that have entered their lives."

This approach has a lot to recommend it. It suggests the importance of gratitude for the blessings we enjoy, and it reminds us to look at the big picture. Personal responsibility remains, of course; but to individual responsibility are added other perspectives to consider; perspectives that give rise to patience and compassion. This approach also suggests that we appreciate the hear-and-now...that there's value in every moment-no accidents. So, celebrate each other and take time to play...that probably won't be a problem for you two! And each day, recall the gratitude you feel for each other and for the Spirit that joined you. For without a doubt, you know you are meant for each other. What a precious gift! Treasure it, at leisure, with pleasure.

You can, Jim and Brenda, now appreciate, as slowly or as quickly as you desire and, as you listen to my voice, begin to realize those messages that will, Jim and Brenda, create surprising and wonderful discoveries, even at the risk of excessive joy, in the days and weeks to come, whenever you want them, now, with a snap...dragon...pop.

In My Life by J. Lennon & P. McCartney, performed by Ali [Signal Ali.]

There are places I'll remember

All my life though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life I love you more

In my life I love you more

You have heard the call of Grace, that summoned you together, and to this place. And now, free will must complete your answer to that call.

Do you, Brenda, take Jim to be your husband, to live with him, love him, and explore with him, the unfolding of your life? [Brenda's response]

Do you, Jim, take Brenda to be your wife, to live with her, love her, and explore with her, the unfolding of your life? [Jim's response]

In that case, now comes the moment when you pledge yourselves to sacred union, and consecrate your marriage with vows you prepared for this day.

Jim, open your heart all the way, and repeat after me:

Brenda, open your heart all the way, and repeat after me:

Divine Spirit, hear the love and gratitude returned for your guidance. Bless this marriage wrought by your hand, with clarity, compassion, and cheer.

Your hands bear the rings already exchanged between you. Among many things, this reflects a prearranged spiritual plan, established before space and outside time. Yet here and now, seasons change as Earth abides. The birth of new life, is preceded by water, that bathes and prepares the way. Brenda and Jim, place your ring-bearing hands upon this earth. [Lift pitcher and begin to pour over rings.] Let the water of life bless and purify the rings of your bond. [Set pitcher down.] The lives of before have now passed. Your new life together is born. [Hold their hands aloft.] And that which is eternal sparkles with light.

The foundation of your marriage is now set: the Universe masterminded your lives together, out of which grew your love. In turn, that devotion provided the vessel in which your marriage began forming. Now marks the formal birth of your marriage; a holy union blessed by God, the light that is manifest love. I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You can seal the deal with a kiss!

We thank God for this blessing. Jim and Brenda-now forever changed-may you enjoy courage in dark, and laughter in light, as you skip along your path together.

Everyone, please stand and prepare your bubbles. [Turn Brenda and Jim toward guests.] Friends and family, I now present to you: Brenda and Jim Bursch!